We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
