I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
