My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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