Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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