i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
