i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
