What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
