today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
