I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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