genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
