never play flip cup with pint glasses
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
