My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
