She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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