i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You have to summon your inner elephant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
