Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
