i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
