the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
