$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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