Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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