I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
