Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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