she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
