It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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