Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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