apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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