something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
