alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
