one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize