I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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