I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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