dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
