Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
