youre lurking in front of me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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