Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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