hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
