U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
