My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
