what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
