i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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