xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
