When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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