At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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