He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
