just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
