not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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