This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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