Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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