i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
