and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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