She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
