If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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