Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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