I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
please come you make the beer taste better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
