girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
And then he peed in my hair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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