Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
