my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
