In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
