We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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