Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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