Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
