Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just blew my weed a kiss
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
