I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
