I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
