i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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