tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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