So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
