last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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