Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
