I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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