in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
