so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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