When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
