i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
