You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
