How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
