Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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