WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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