Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
