My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
