what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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