How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
