I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
