You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
