i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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