I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
