girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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