I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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