I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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