i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize