I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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