worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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