This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize